It's been a year now since my last breakup, and I haven't accepted a single drink from a man, nor have I responded to anyone asking me out. That's a new record for me.
If it were a couple years back, I probably would've been tearing my eyebrows out by now, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I'm out of cheese! God help me!
I'm single because:
- I still have streak relationship of dependence.This was extremely hard to admit, let alone blog about, but I'm sure that a lot of women (and men) can relate to this. Looking back, I depended almost entirely on the relationship - and my partner - for my overall happiness. I blogged about it briefly, so to make a long story short, you can never be fully prepared to enter a loving and stable relationship without being able to create your own happiness, without the help of anyone else.
- I depend on my partner on self-validation. Here we go again: dependence. If that word shows up quite often in your daily relationship reflections or assessments, you probably need more time to be by yourself. Sometimes it's hugely apparent, sometimes it comes in the form of leading questions or even deception, but when you find yourself seeking approval from your partner, asking him/her constantly if he/she loves you - as I did - then you're probably not ready to be in a relationship.
- I'm busy. A relationship is hard work. It requires a kind of commitment not everyone fully understands. Of course you can be busy and be in a successful relationship, but at this point in my life where I'm busy trying to make something of myself before I turn 30 (which is in a mere three years), busy moving from one place to the next, busy trying to find my place in this world (quite literally), I can't afford the kind of commitment a long, lasting relationship requires. To me, a relationship right now, dare I say it, isn't just a liability - it's a distraction.
- I don't appreciate myself fully just yet. I think the most important thing about establishing a lifelong relationship isn't just trust in each other, as most relationship experts would argue; it's trust in yourself. I don't completely trust myself just yet. I'm not complete, for lack of a better term, because I'm in the middle of filling in the holes in my life that no man could ever fill... oh God, that sounded so wrong! But before I distract you even further with unintentional innuendos, I will not be able to fully appreciate and trust my partner - which is what every partner deserves - until I'm able to fully appreciate and trust myself. And that won't happen until I'm able to achieve everything that I need to achieve, and want to achieve.
- I realized that there's a shitload of time for that, and that i can be patient.I am patient. when I'm still working in Dubai, I met successful 40-something women who got married in their late thirties. In fact, one of them just gave birth (yes, in her forties), and another one just got engaged. And they were genuinely happy. I asked them what their secret was, and they all said "overcome your fear of time." Use your twenties idealistic and focus on fulfilling your dreams and building a career, no matter how long it takes. And once you've established yourself, don't settle with a husband just yet! Rather, enjoy the career and name you just made for yourself - know what it's like to buy your own house, your own car, pay off your own debts, etc. Once you've truly, utterly enjoyed yourself and your successes, more often than not, a man (or woman) who's just as equally successful and fulfilled, will come into your life. If not, if you're meant to be single for the rest of your life, at least you know how fulfilling it can still be.
I guess, in the end, it's all about finding ways to be settled, not with someone, but with yourself. Because truly, you're the only person who can make you feel settled.
